Dodge Charger: The Oppo Review

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
02/05/2015 at 21:23 • Filed to: reviews, dodge, oppo review

My mom's PT Cruiser decided to melt its own multifunction stalk (not even kidding; it shorted out and melted the plastic), and as a loaner car she got another Chrysler, this time a current-gen pre-2012 Charger. How does it charge? Let's find out.

Looks: 8/10

There are two things this car does well and this is one of them. This is a mean-looking beast with attractive styling all around. The way the grill is set a few inches forward of the headlights reminds me of— wait for it— my Buick, which has similar treatment. It even has character lines meeting at the point between the grille and headlights. Dodge, are you trying to tell me something?

Pictured: Dodgick LeCharger

I'm watching you, Chrysler.

Interior: 4/10

It Gibsons!

Eh. Eeeeeeh. Cloth seats are comfy enough but after only 40k miles the driver's door panel was already separating from the door frame, and squeaked when you grabbed it. Similarly, all of the plastic in the car had an uncomfortable-feeling give to it and none of it felt particularly nice. By far the worst offense in this car is the steering wheel.

This is simply the worst wheel I've ever held. It's an enormous, spindly affair, with a very tiny diameter ring around GIANT MEATY SPOKES WITH EDGES AND GRRRRR.

I was not a fan.

The interior, for such a big car, also seemed on the small side. Trunk space was whatever.

Pictured: accent lighting. The second thing this car does right

The lights on the cupholders and door handles were cool, though I couldn't find a way to turn them off even if I wanted to. Ugh.

Noise: 3/10

No. No no no no no no no no nooooo no no no no. The engine was nothing but lifter tick and valve noise, the exhaust was nonexistent, and from within the car all you can hear is a slightly nauseating noise somewhat like a large industrial motor on the brink of failure, but through a sound-deadening wall. The speakers are mediocre at best, though the car did a decent job of filtering out most road noise. I say most because I got on one particular road that had an odd effect of being extraordinarily loud in the cabin. Not sure why.

Engine: 5/10

This car has the 3.6 liter pentastar V6 that makes 292hp and 260 pound-feet of torque. Doesn't sound bad, but this little piggy weighs in the neighborhood of 3900 lbs. Power delivery is smooth and even, but accelerating is frankly boring and combined with the lack of any audital goodies you won't really be chomping at the bit to let this loose. On the plus side, I could break the tires loose with it, so there's that.

Transmission: 2/10

What the actual living fuck, Chrysler. This car has a 5 speed automatic and it is one of the most tragically awful things I have ever had the misfortune of using. How is it possible that this transmission is worse than the one in the 2005 PT Cruiser GT? I'm not sure, but it is. I blame the "eco" bullshit on the car which, from what I can tell, attempts to discern if you're driving for economy or power and change shift points accordingly. Except it is wrong. So very, very wrong. Shifts are fast and smooth, but it hunts for gears like Elmer Fudd for Bugs Bunny. Up down up down up down more often than a Las Vegas hooker's pantaloons.

Driving experience: 5/10

I'm going to rename Handling to Driving Experience because, as well as the handling, I wanted to cover something else. But how is the handling? It goes around corners. The steering is so numb and overboosted that it feels like a Logitech racing wheel with the force feedback turned off. The throttle has very little resistance and and brakes are so overboosted that the first 10% of pedal travel is 90% of the car's braking ability, leading to lots of slamming people forwards in their seats while you adjust your left foot braking for 'holy shit I'm treading on eggs' mode.

The car has minimal body roll, and changes direction rapidly but with a distinct lack of spirit. Oh, sure, it'll go right and then go left, but does it really have to? It's good enough, but again is completely unexciting. I almost wish it was worse so at least it would FEEL like you were cornering quickly.

And here's something about the Charger: this car feels big, but not in a good way. It doesn't feel big in the same way a land yacht feels big, it feels big as in "why is everything so bulky?". It's like a crossover in that it feels entirely too bloated for its size.

Total: 27/60

I honestly don't like this car. I'm sure with a manual and a V8 it will at least go in a straight line decently and be a bit more fun, but I can honestly say I wouldn't want to live with the interior and crap steering. To loop back to my LeSabre, it's more exciting, makes a better noise, *feels* faster, and makes much better use of its size.

Try again, big C.

DISCUSSION (6)

Blake Noble > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
02/05/2015 at 21:50

The lights on the cupholders and door handles were cool, though I couldn't find a way to turn them off even if I wanted to. Ugh.

There's a dimmer switch specifically for turning the brightness of the interior accent lighting down or off. It's right next to the dimmer switch that controls the brightness for the gauge cluster, radio, etc. when the headlights are on.

Yeah, it's confusing at first. When I had my '11 Charger, I discovered it by accident.

Anyway, the seat fabric was bad for these early second-gen LX Chargers. I bought my car with strange, spotty stains in the driver's seat that would never scrub or deep clean out.

And, yes, the transmission is fucking garbage. I hated the five-speed slushbox in mine. You think it's bad shifting gears on its own? Ha! Try it in AutoStick mode. You'll be on suicide watch before you remember to put it back in drive.

Anyway, what Gibby you got there?

Birddog > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
02/05/2015 at 21:53

Damn son!

It sounds like that Charger has been rode hard and put up wet more than once.

How many miles on it?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Blake Noble
02/05/2015 at 21:59

Yeah, the Autostick was so bad I immediately decided to let it do its own shifting. Not to mention that chrysler's obsession with side-to-side is retarded, though not as bad as making it two BUTTONS on the lever like on the automatic Chevy Sonic. That was next-level retarded.

The Gibson is a mid-50s L-50 archtop acoustic. I'm currently trying to find a pick guard for it, since the original was lost long ago. Damn thing sounds great, but I feel slightly guilty for using it to play Celtic music instead of the jazz it was made for. I don't like jazz that much :/

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Birddog
02/05/2015 at 22:00

You ready for this?

40,000.

And the interior was in flawless condition, it didn't look like it had been worn much.

Birddog > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
02/05/2015 at 22:13

40K? Ouch!

Blake Noble > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
02/05/2015 at 22:38

Ha! I forgot GM insists that "manumatic" shifting should be done with a rocker switch on the side of the gear lever.

An L-50? Fucking awesome! I'm actually looking into buying an archtop myself. There was a really sweet and all-original '40s Gibson L-48 that popped up on Craigslist not to long ago for $800 that I was really aching for. Not sure if it's still on there, though. At that price, I sort of doubt it.